Happy birthday to Edouard who is turning 26 today.

I don't ever think about the fact that Edouard is 2 years younger than me. It's interesting how things work out- I always thought I would end up with someone older. I used to have an aversion to guys who were even a few months younger than me, because you know... the guy is supposed to be older than the girl. =P

No matter- I still look a lot younger than Edouard. Sometimes I act younger too!

Happy February!

For the past two weeks I've been spending my days at work, my evenings meeting wedding vendors, and my nights drawing comics. It's been a pretty full schedule.

I think most of the major wedding stuff is done though. I ended up booking the following: reception venue, church (this is for Edouard's Catholicness), DJ (also a good friend), photographer, and florist. It's all starting to fall together. The other major thing on my agenda is finding my dress, which is not easy because let me tell you, most people are going to look good in most wedding dresses. It's not exactly like shopping for jeans (though if this was my mom's wedding, it would be... in fact, she would probably wear jeans).

Working at the Met is still awesome. I get to see behind the scenes stuff regarding drama like the woman falling into the Picasso, and walk around the museum while it's closed, and eat at the staff cafeteria, which is not only a pleasant dining experience but also really cheap.

Going back to the woman falling into the Picasso thing...I noticed, while reading about it on the internet, that a lot of people think that the art on display in museums is not real- that no one would actually put precious works on the wall. I guess this kind of thinking explains why people don't seem to understand that you can't use flash photography or TOUCH the ARTWORK (or in some cases, fall into it).

People, everything you see on the wall or in a vitrine is real. If the wall label says it's from 1350, then it's from 1350. Do you really think that the museum has room to store the real objects if the ones out on display are indeed just copies? Let me tell you as someone who has seen many a museum storeroom, there's no possible way. There is a ton of objects placed in storage (except for the Egyptian collection at the Met where everything is out in the open in their "study rooms"). The objects that you're seeing out in the galleries are the real deal and they're usually the best stuff the museum has to offer. So please... be respectful of them.

Happy birthday Mozart!

Bad news: my dissertation proposal did not get completely approved by the faculty. There were about 3 out of 27 professors who poo poo'd it. Thankfully no one had a problem with the actual topic, which is good- they only want me to more thoroughly think about my "theoretical framework."

So I guess I'll be doing that for the next few months.

Also my wedding moved from late September to late August and that makes me nervous b/c a) I have less time to enjoy the process of wedding planning and b) it's a scary grown up thing.

Anyway, some people say not to bother with the whole wedding business (like my parents) and just elope because it's "less of a hassle." What people don't seem to get is that I actually enjoy pulling vendors together and figuring out an aesthetic. It's almost like curating an exhibit in a way. Of course the most important part of the whole thing is the marriage (duh) but when is the next time that I'm going to get the joy out of designing a tablescape? Probably never ever. So I'm taking advantage of this opportunity.

In all honesty, the worst part for me is figuring out the guest list. Knowing that there are going to be a few people that I absolutely HAVE to invite or that there are people I can't invite due to budget constraints is the only thing that would make me consider eloping.

Good news! I got the results of my last pap smear and the results came back normal!

It was such a relief- I almost cried.

It will be nice to know that I don't have to go back until July for a check up.

Mom and dad- I would've called you but I only had 6 minutes left on my cell phone. My new billing cycle starts today though so I'll try calling later.

It's been an eventful week. Two days ago I submitted my dissertation proposal to the faculty. The faculty meeting is either next Thursday or next Friday so by then I'll find out whether or not my topic is the one I'll be writing my dissertation on. If they shoot it down, I won't be devastated but I'll definitely be annoyed because the next faculty meeting where they make decisions about dissertation proposals isn't until May.

Stapling my proposals together and sticking them in the faculty's mail boxes was very surreal. I've seen other people do it but I never thought I would be in that position, especially 5 years ago. I think one of my professors who taught me contemporary art put it best when he wrote to me saying (after reading a draft of my proposal), "You've come a long way, Jennifer- congratulations!"

Anyway, professors can turn in their decisions before the faculty review and I saw that at least 2 professor have already approved of my topic. Only 25 more to go...

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I also saw Avatar last night with Edouard and I liked it but I'm clearly not as into it as most other people. I did not think it was the most amazing movie of all time nor do I think it should go up for "Best Picture" at the Academy Awards.

While visually stunning and entertaining, and while I admit there was some heart tugging moments, the story itself is not terribly original. It's as everyone has described it: Dances with Wolves/Pocahantas in space. On top of that, the writing was a bit cheesy, but I accepted that was going to be the case going in so I didn't really have a problem with it.

Anyway, bottom line: It's entertaining and you should definitely see it in theaters since I don't know how good/enjoyable it would be on a regular screen and because the best part of this movie is experiencing the world (much like how the best part of Titanic, Cameron's other overrated film, was seeing the ship in all its glory). While a good movie and great movie going experience, it's not an amazing film- at least not in my book.

Apology accepted, GoComics.com reader.

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I can't tell you how nice it is to wake up on a Sunday knowing that I don't have to rush to the library and that I can just continue lying in bed for however long I wish. It's something in life that I greatly missed while I was studying for orals.

It's not a completely lazy Sunday, however. I still have to continue creating a comics buffer for CLV (b/c it dwindled a bit in the last week of my orals and over the break) and I have to finish editing my dissertation proposal. I'm very excited about the idea of it going to the faculty review to be approved (hopefully). I'm also proud of myself for completing the 2 week paper AND the proposal so soon after my oral exam (sometimes it takes people a couple of months).

Last week at work, I also wrote the department's financial aid committee a letter begging for more money. I asked them to cover my matriculation fees, my student health insurance, my stuDENT dental plan, and to pay for a French course that I want to take at the New School (I'm trying to get fluent!). While people told me that I should've also asked for a monthly stipend I thought it would be too greedy of me since I got that paid fellowship at the Met.

Who knows if they decide to give me anything... but I did meet and exceed their expectations last semester and I think I put down some good arguments as to why my health insurance can't be dropped (and I figure once they read the word "cervical health problems" they'll go "GAAAH!" and just want to throw money at the problem- let's hope so anyway).

Hopefully I'm starting to adjust to this whole waking up early to go to work thing but after an entire week of doing this I was completely dead last night and slept for a solid 9 hours today... and I'm STILL a little tired. Anyway, I at least got myself to go to bed by 1 am instead of the usual 4 am.

I'm also adjusting to the fact that I don't have as much pressure on me this semester. I'm trying to keep up my work ethic and not fall into being lazy at my significantly cushier office job. Luckily, I have to give a talk at the Met's fellows colloquium in March so that project will keep me pretty occupied until then.

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So I don't normally go onto GoComics.com but I do check that website every once in a while to guage how people are enjoying the storyline/characters. I happened to go today and noticed that one person mentioned that I misspelled "salon," which I did not. A saloOn is a bar. A salon is a "gathering of intellectual, social, political, and cultural elites under the roof of an inspriing hostess or host." (Wikipedia entry) There is also something called a beauty salon, a category under which tanning places fall.

Anyway, I also noticed another user who I admit piqued my interest. Going back to other comments he made about my strip, it seems that he only says something when he has something particularly snarky in mind. In addition to making some rather back handed and flat out rude comments about my work, I also noticed that this user is also rude to other users as well, particularly one called "MonsieurSmokey. Now I almost didn't want to bring this up because I'm sure that dedicating half of my blog to this user makes him/her feel giddy and incredibly validated but I just wanted to talk about people like this one because I know other creators often have to deal with reader like this particular one I have.

Now, it seems that this user (who I won't identify here but you're welcome to go to CoComics.com and see if you can figure it out) has a problem with the format of comic strips and general and also with the way I structure my storylines. No matter where the story turns- he/she seems to have some other dickish thing to say.

For instance, this current turn of events where Ryan wrote to Mona saying that he was coming to L.A. to visit her.

Now, I have a basic idea of the general narrative planned out a couple of months in advance. I have the strips written out a couple of weeks in advance. When I do pop into GoComics.com sometimes people will try to guess where the storyline will go. For me it's fun b/c I get to see who is right and who is wrong about where the characters are going. As for this Hawaii storyline, people seemed to have thought that it was over, and many questioned whether or not *I* had forgotten that it happened (user in question being one of those) Well, obviously I hadn't and I was eagerly waiting for today's comic to upload. I went onto GoComics.com and saw that many people were pleasantly surprised and excited... except for the particular user I'm talking about, who responded with an incredibly snarky and jaded post, which ended up insulting other users as well (even though he was one of the ones wondering what happened to Ryan).

So... like I said before... this person seems to have a problem with my writing. Ok. Fair enough. I don't appreciate that this person is rude about it but it's a free country, isn't it? But if this person doesn't like it so much, why does this person come back for more? More troubling, why does this person go around insulting other users, who are paying good money to use the GoComics.com service as well? Tell me, user, is it because you have too much time on your hands? I mean, why else would you be a dick about the comic you seem to read daily? Why are you a dick to the other CLV readers?

Will you even read this blog? I guess I'll find out.

How will you react?

Will you swallow your pride and apologize to everyone? Or will you become defensive and attempt some cheap slings at everybody's confidence?

Stay tuned!

And just for the record: Mona never experienced "amnesia" about her trip to Hawaii. If you go back, you'll see she made a conscious decision to go back to her lifestyle and try to normalize her surroundings because she knew a long distance relationship with Ryan would never work. As we all have experienced- unless maybe if you haven't had a boyfriend or girlfriend before- when people leave our lives their imprint on us tends to fade away as well- excepting of course, long term relationships and strong familial bonds. Mona had a "vacationship"- hardly long term- and as we all know, we're different people on vacation than we are living our daily lives at home. And as for Mona failing in her attempts at internet dating- I can say with confidence that it's a common occurence and has nohting to do with her "character development"

This 9-5 schedule does not work well with my sleep patterns.

Happy New Year! and Happy New Decade! It's the ultimate fresh start.

I don't know about you, but my 2009 was pretty great so I hope 2010 equals or comes close to its greatness. I also hope that this decade is much less angsty than the previous decade, which is likely since the last decade was a great period of growth for me (from age 17 to age 27).

And as my friend said- 10 years ago I was shopping for a prom dress, now I'm shopping for a wedding dress. Crazy stuff!

Only a couple of days left here in LA and I'm getting kinda sad about leaving especially since I'll start working at the Met when I get back to NYC and I honestly haven't had a 9 to 5 type job in seven years!

Merry Christmas my Christian or Christmas tree inclined readers! I'm back in Los Angeles with my family and relaxing for the first time in 4 months.

It's great- don't take your weekends for granted.

Very very sick today. I'm very glad that this didn't happen before my orals though I'm pretty sure I got sick b/c of the sudden release of stress and tension last week.

My pap smear went ok but I started bleeding in the middle of the exam and my gynecologist told me that there was some scarring on the area of the cervix where I had my LEEP procedure. She says it's common but I'm surprised it's still there. Anyway, because of this scarring, she had a difficult time taking a good sample so there's a chance I'll have to go back for another pap smear in January.

Female readers- and I know there are a lot of you out there- please remember to go get your pap smear annually. It's only slightly uncomfortable and awkward but it's better to catch anything now rather than later. Remember that for me- in just one year- I went from a perfect pap smear to stage 2-3 precancer.

Going to the gyno today for a check up- wish me luck.

Let me tell you about my orals. Now, I'm not one to toot my own horn but I really rocked it. And just to toot a little louder, let it be known that I rocked it while never missing an update for this comic.

Don't get me wrong, the orals were no walk in the park. My Egyptian art and arhcaeology section was actually quite difficult. Here's a sampling of what happened:

A slide of a crusted over, dirty statue sitting in the dirt in the middle of an excavation site. My professor turns to me and says "date it." I walk up to the image on the screen, which does not really help me. Finally I say that I don't think it's possible to date it with all of the stylisitc features hidden from me (due to the dirt) and that I would have to rely on its context in order to figure it out, which apparently is what my professor wanted to hear because he immediately moved onto the next slide which was a 3 inch by 4 inch detail of a Middle Kingdom wooden coffin. Now that I think back to that slide, I'm actually surprised and impressed with myself that I was able to identify it as such so quickly. I mean, it's a 3 inch by 4 inch detail of a 5-6 foot long coffin. Anyway, he also showed me stuff like a really poorly made Middle Kingdom statuette of a couple, which I knew was Middle Kingdom b/c of the big Dumbo ears and the type of outfit the man was wearing. All in all though, he showed me very random objects, and I was not expecting that from him.

My language section went well b/c I've been studying my butt off for it every Wednesday and Thursday. My professor would be like , "What do we call those kinds of words??" and I would be like "NON ATTRIBUTIVE RELATIVE FORM!!" and then he would be like "And why do we see that in this context?" and I was like "BECAUSE IT IS USED EMPHATICALLY!!" If I were Emeril, I would've said BAM! after every answer. Anyway, I made a few slips here and there but for the most part I showed proficiency in the Ancient Egyptian language.

Last but not least was my Ancient Near Eastern art and archaeology section, which I was nervous about because I basically had to teach myself everything, having only taken a single class about it in my entire academic career. I knew pretty much everything though- I had a problem identifying a cylinder seal, which is difficult anyway, but I think the professor was impressed about what I did know.

Anyway, they sent me out of the room and I sat for a very awkward 2 minutes thinking that the whole thing went well but worried that maybe I was overly confident. But when my adviser opened the door smiling and telling me to come back in I knew that I passed.

The door shut behind me and he said "Well, congratulations Jennifer! You passed your oral exam!" and I almost cried because I was so proud of myself and because the other professors looked very happy for me too. I kept it together as much as I could- I was bumbling around like an idiot though because I was so overwhelmed with emotion- and my professors told me to get out of there and celebrate, which I did for the rest of the day.

Now I'm writing the two week paper, which is the written component of my qualifying PhD exams. It's ok. It's much more laid back than studying for one's orals exam.

I'm sure you're all on the edge of your seat about how my orals went. Bottom line: I passed and it went well.

I have to run but I'll fill you in on the details later.

I'm updating the comic early this time because I don't want to worry about it later. Tomorrow are my oral exams and I know I'll probably be scrambled in the morning. How am I feeling? I won't lie... I'm pretty nervous. This morning I woke up completely terrified and wanted to cry. The anxiety is terrible. I just want to get it over with already.

Anyway, I calmed down after a while though there's still a general nervousness residing within me. The bottom line is that I did a lot of work and wouldn't change anything about how or how much I studied this semester. It is what it is and I'm giving my professors all that I can offer from 3 months of hardcore studying.

As my friend Luis says, "Remember: It's the Jen Babcock show. You got this."

Time to take charge.

EEEK! 3 Days away until my oral exam!

Also, happy death day to Mozart- you are still missed but your music lives on.

Exactly one week until my orals! I vacillate between feeling fine and feeling completely panicked.

I just don't know how I'm going to be able to review everything. When am I going to find the time to practice the hieroglyhpic translation component of my exam?

There is only one constant in my life right now: being grumpy.

Happy Thanksgiving to my American readers!

Today and tomorrow I'm being forced out of the libraries (b/c they're closed), which stresses me out. This is the first Thanksgiving where I woke up a little panicked. It's ok though... I have work that I brought home with me and I've been known to study well at various Starbucks throughout the city.

Don't worry though, I'm going to take some time off today: for one, I slept in until 11:00. Secondly, my friend's boyfriend is doing a "stray dogs Thanksgiving" for foreigners and people who can't go to their home towns today. Edouard and I will be bringing some sort of pie and probably wine.

Edouard and I were thinking about going to the Macy's parade but apparently that starts at 9 am. Oh well, I've already experienced the Gay Pride parade, 5th Avenue Easter Parade, and the West Village Halloween parade this year and they've not exactly been the most pleasant experiences (with the exception of the Easter parade, which is not crowded b/c people don't really care about it). I also got to see them blow up the huge Mickey balloon yesterday, which was kind of neat... even though it totally ruined my commute to school.

Things/people I am particularly thankful for this year:

Chloe (my bunny- I don't think I told you all that I got a new one earlier this year. I did. She is very cute and fuzzy)

Family (b/c you always have to say family and b/c they understand why I can't come home for Thanskgiving this year)

Edouard (b/c he's been incredibly patient and supportive this semester)

The gynecological staff at NY downtown hospital (no explanation needed)

The Institute of Fine Arts (for their continued financial support)

The Metropolitan Museum of Art (for letting me on as their Hagop Kevorkian Fellow- the reason why I'm not as worried about money this year)

Coffee

Serafina, the coffee/sandwich/smoothie shop that's around the corner from my school.

Andrea, Ileana, and Denise- the girls who have been my orals support group. (Denise did her orals last semester and Andrea and Ileana have their orals the same week I do)

My friend Ava, also an Egyptologist, for reminding me that I belong in this field and also for listening to me gripe every single night this semester via facebook chat.

My unwavering ambition and efficacy this year: I've accomplished a lot!

Cheez-its.

I think that's all but it's still a pretty long list.

Exactly 2 weeks until my orals.

I can say in complete honesty and without any exaggeration that I've been studying very hard for them. I don't think I've worked harder in my life. If I don't end up passing my orals it would be very embarrassing.

I think I've also come to the point where I've studied so hard that I'm starting to believe that I even *deserve* to do well. That's right, I'm starting to feel... entitled.

But of course, I am leaving the option of not passing open. I don't want to jinx it!

Two and a half weeks until my oral exam!

This is the home stretch. This is the test of endurance. This is also the worst part of orals.

Basically everyone at this point of their orals feel like they just want to get it over with already. This is how I am feeling even though I'm not fully prepared. That said, is anyone really ever completely prepared for an exam that's designed to see how you will deal with the pressure of not knowing everything?

I took a mock exam for my Egyptian art and archaeology session last night and it went well. There were a couple of slides that I did not know but I think I talked my way through them well enough. I just hope I'm as calm and collected for the real deal.

Everyone's telling me to expect a breakdown around Thanksgiving. I'm bracing myself and getting ready for the crying fits. Art historians... we're such troubled, moody scholars.

People keep saying that I have plenty of time before my orals and I know that's true, but it also feels like it's around the corner. There are days when I think that everything I have to do before then is manageable but other days when it seems like an impossible feat- right now I'm concerned about reading enough material and memorizing dates, and while I have a very good sense of relative chronology, my absolute chronology is shaky. Oh well, I have... 3 weeks left now.

=/

Anyway, last night I was thinking about people I'm going to invite to my wedding, which has been the source of much frustration. The nice thing about having a moderate to large size celebration is that you get to have a lot of your friends with you on your "special day." The bad thing about it is that you no longer have the excuse of not inviting certain people because you can't say "Sorry, X and I are trying to have an intimate gathering consisting of close family and friends."

This sucks because there are definitely people I definitely don't like and am only inviting out of decorum.

Bitter? A little bit- especially when you see how much it costs per person at a wedding. Thankfully, however, the number of true friends coming will overwhelm the number of yucky people likely to attend, and most of them will know which table to shun. =P

Less than a month to go until my orals and I got sick. I decided not to go to school today because when I went yesterday I felt terrible. Not only do I feel guilty (even though I'm ill) about missing school I also feel disappointed b/c I'm missing my professor's weekly lecturea about New Kingdom palaces and also Egytpology happy hour at this bar I really like... I'm also missing free food twice today- one hosted study break with subway sandwiches and an evening reception for a lecture series.

Oh well...

Today I'm going to lie in bed and make powerpoint slides of images I have to memorize so that it won't be a wasted day.

I have 1 month and 4 days to go until my oral exams. I will not lie, I am stressed out and worried even though I've been at the library 10 hours a day,7 days a week (though weekends I usually only spend 7 hours at school). That said, I can't really complain either- I'm pressured about not looking like an idiot. That's a whole lot better than being pressured to make enough money this month.

People are always telling me that I need to take at least a day off a week, otherwise I'll go completely crazy. While I appreciate such advice, I also don't think it's really that big of a deal- it's only for 3 months- and in the end, I'm just reading articles and books I should be interested in reading anyway. I'm also allowed to take naps whenever... that's already way better than being a lawyer, banker, or a doctor in residence.

Anyway, I'll tell you what's really stressful: trying to plan a NYC wedding while studying for orals. This I really don't have the time for and by the way... brides here are crazy. Many of them book reception venues over a year in advance- some book venues even if they're not engaged yet.

I have a feeling that I will not like the archetypical Manhattan bride when I actually have to bump into them during the planning process.

So I'm about to finish studying for the Ancient Near Eastern section of my orals and return to studying the Egyptian art and archaeology section of my orals prep. Ending a section is always the hardest thing to force yourself to do because there's always something else you can read but you have to just tell yourself to stop so you can move on.

I also made the mistake of rediscovering Bejeweled. If you don't know what this is, it's basically one of the most addictive puzzle games ever made. Luckily I've been playing it during my down time, but if I'm not careful it could sneak into my study time.

Be strong, Jennifer! Be strong.

Also congratulations to my friend Allan on his marriage today. I'm going to his wedding later and look forward to it!

I'm sorry I've been such a bad blogger. It's just that every time when I get home from studying for 8-10 hours I'm really tired and have to draw the comic, which I think is more important than blogging. I study on Saturdays and Sundays too so you can't really say I have a break, though in the evenings I tend to go out to salvage my social life.

Anyway, I'm sorry and I'll try to be better about it.

I'm halfway there until my oral exam, which is on December 8th at 10 am. Send me happy thoughts!

I just want to introduce you to my good friend's blog, Cooking Books. I know you might be thinking "Oh god, not another coooking blog" but Andrea has a wonderful writing style, great pictures, updates frequently (despite the fact that she is studying for oral exams as well), and the recipes are great! Please check it out b/c you won't be sorry AND because Andrea is one of my good friends. She's been writing this blog for a few years now so she has a substantial archive you can peruse.

Andrea's seriously awesome guys... she even baked and decorated her own wedding cake.

If that doesn't convince you to read Andrea's blog, I don't know what will.

Things I've confirmed while in grad school:

1) Free food is the best food.

2) Any school is better than high school.

3) I like Art History and Egyptology.

4) There are people WAY smarter than me.

5) Public crying is not an option- save it for the "toilet of tears."

6) Art history today is dominated by white women from priveleged backgrounds.

7) I have good self discipline.

I've been studying for orals seriously for over about a month now. Am I losing steam? NEVER!

Am I going crazy? MAYBE A LITTLE!

Things I've learned in grad school:

1) Doing well in undergrad- regardless of what college or university you came from- is not an accurate measure of how well you'll do in graduate school.

2) How to hold back tears in front of professors/how to develop a thick skin.

3) People who got their BA/BS from an ivy league shouldn't necessarily be placed on a pedestal.

4) It's possible to read one to two 200-300 page books a day and still have a nice evening.

5) Grad school is a full time job- it's not "going to school," it's "going to work."

6) In addition to having natural ability in your field, it is absolutely necessary to have ambition and drive since everyone in your department, for the most part, is going to be naturally talented.

7) There are a lot of terrible/manipulative people in the world willing to stab you in the back.

8) There are a lot of bitter/jealous people in the world willing to talk about you behind your back while pretending to be your friend/colleague.

9) Professors are indeed actual people with private lives.

10) Teaching Assistants are actual people with private lives and their own pile of schoolwork (so don't be too hard on them, undergrads).

I am reading and studying so much (7-9 hours a day) that by the tiem I get home I'm completely wiped out. I'm amazed that I've been able to continue drawing this comic. Then again, it may be one of the few things that's keeping me sane and grounded.

I am EXTREMELY behind on my personal correspondences and affars- I'm going to try to reserve myself a day this week to catch up.

CLV will be on Twitter soon- I'll let you know the link after I've finished setting everything up.

I got the results from my LEEP procedure back.

First of all, everything seems to have healed up ok. As for the lab results, it seems that there are some abnormal cell growing at the very edges of the pieces that they removed. The doctors couldn't see these abnormal cells in the colposcopy but they're visible under a miscrocope. There is a chance that the abnormal cells have burned off during and after the procedure (yes, pieces of your cervix gets flushed out of your system for the days following your LEEP), which is what I am hoping for.

Anyway, I'm going to have to have a pap every 3 months for the next two years to make sure the cells don't multiply and develop into cancer. After all colposcopies, biopsies, and this recent LEEP, I welcome a plain ol' vanilla pap smear.

My next pap will be in December.

Now that I live in downtown NY I see the beams of light that mark where the twin towers used to be. Every year, on the anniversary of 9/11, NYC shoots two long beams of light into the sky. I believe they stay lit for about a week.

Seeing them is a bit like seeing a ghost. I'm not sure why I get emotional over it- seeing as how I was still in Los Angeles when it happened- but I guess it comes with living in the city in a way. Anyway, I bet the towers looked really nice from my neighborhood.

I'm glad I got to see them when I visited for my "college tour" in 1999.

Anyway, I'm posting my comic early b/c I have to wake up SUPER EARLY tomorrow for my orientation at the Met and if I don't do it now I won't be able to do it tomorrow morning b/c I'll most likely be rushing out the door.

Last night I got eaten alive by mosquitoes. I'm seriously beginning to think that I should buy one of those nets that run around your bed b/c every end-of-summer when this happens I have the worst time sleeping and falling asleep. I think I was in bed for about 4 hours scratching the various place these horrible bugs bit me- my arms, my legs, my back, my FACE...

Finally I got up and placed cold towels on the bitten areas, which helped soothe the itching a bit but now I find myself completely exhausted today.

The pain after the LEEP procedure is fine. Everyone had me worried at first. People were telling me that the doctors should have put me on Codine and a lot of the websites that I read said that the pain after the procedure is horrible. This has not been the case for me. Yes, there have been some times when the pain was a little uncomfortable but I've definitely had worse pain before.

When I was in high school and college, I used to get such horrible monthly cramps and back aches that I would vomit, break into a cold sweat, and almost pass out. At some point I talked to a doctor and gynecologist about this and they told me that I had some rare-ish PMS condition that would make me get actual contractions (you know, the kind people in labor get). Thankfully, this sorta "went away" with age and I haven't had one of these episodes in about 6 years. I'm glad that whatever pain I'm feeling now isn't anything like what I used to experience.

Anyway, I've been busy studying for my oral exams in the meantime. I freaked out a little yesterday, wondering how in the world I'm going to read and retain all of these books come December 8th.

I'm just going to need some more faith in myself.

I was able to reschedule my LEEP procedure, which was yesterday. I was absolutely terrified but Edouard came with me which made me feel a little bit calmer. He wasn't allowed into the room, however, since they treat it like a regular OR and had it sterilized. The actual procedure itself was not as bad as anticipated though the moments right before they begin are incredibly intimidating. For one, they bring in this scary looking vacuum for the ash to be sucked out (they are burning off parts of your cervix you know). Additionally, there's the "electrocution thingy" as I call it, which does not look fun, and then they put an electrical pad on your butt. It probably didn't help that the nurse told me that the pad was needed so that I don't shock myself- saying this while impersonating someone being electrocuted- and that I recently watched the Green Mile.

Anyway, my doctor is really good so it didn't hurt when he administered the local anesthetic (the part I was most worried about). After I started feeling the numbing I was calm again until the doctor said "Ok we're ready to begin."

Honestly though, the LEEP is scarier on an emotional level. There are weird sounds and it's not comforting to smell your own body tissue burning. Physically, however, it is only mildly uncomfortable. I've definitely had worse pap smears. There was one point when the doctor accidentally nicked an area that wasn't anesthetized but the sensation wasn't horrible and he was very apologetic.

It was all over in a matter of minutes and I was free to go. The residents all thanked me for letting them learn from my LEEP procedure and I went off with Edouard to enjoy the rest of the day, which included lunch, taking a ride on the Staten Island Ferry (I recommend doing this if you want to do a boat ride near the Statue of Liberty but don't want to spend a lot of money- the SI Ferry is free), and going to see Inglourious Basterds. All things considered, it wasn't a bad day.

Anywho, I get the results from my LEEP procedure in two weeks. They will tell me if my condition has stayed the same, gotten better, or has progressed to invasive cancer. Keeping my fingers crossed...